To Thai For – Win One Of Two Experiences with Enmasse Massage!

Guys, I hardly ever do the spa scene. I am truly the most awkward spa-goer there is. Firstly, I always wear the wrong things, I feel completely lame in front of the therapist and I generally lie there as stiff as a rod wondering if my feet smell from the pumps I was wearing that day. Don’t even get me started on bikini waxes – when suddenly my cellphone becomes the most important thing in the world while the therapist pulls and yanks things that not even my husband has seen. So, it was with slight hesitation that I agreed to accompany some friends for a Thai massage this week.

I’m so glad I said yes though – because Enmasse is absolutely amazing. It’s not your typical spa – all burning incense and humming dolphins. It’s beautiful; dark, stark and minimalistic – with modern music, a tea bar and extraordinarily friendly staff.

CT Aerial People High Res

Assuming this would be the typical spa experience – where one emerges as oiled up as a Brakpan mechanic, I arrived suitably prepared with 3 day old unwashed hair. Awkies. One remains clothed and un-oiled the entire time. (Because, according to Enmasse, it’s not that kind of party). The massage process, for want of a better word, is neat and clean, there are no standing beds with head cutouts, instead the massage areas are partitioned off by white linen walls and patrons lie on the floor on fancy feeling duvets and pillows.

My masseuse, Thandi, was lovely – she didn’t even snort when I apologized for being fat. She simply made me feel totally at ease while she bent and manipulated every part of my body. I didn’t even worry about sweaty feet. Alas, the loser in me reared her awkward head at the end of the massage when Thandi left me lying on the ground. Do I wait here I wondered? Ya, I’m sure I wait here. So waited I did, as still as a plank. After 5 minutes with no return of the Thandi I started hissing for my friends. ‘Lauren!?” “Jasmine??”. “Guys?”. Eventually I stood up, only to find all the massage areas completely empty and made up. No sign of human life remaining. I skulked into the main parlour and found them giggling (not at me, they promised) on the couches drinking herbal tea, or ‘betrayal beverages’ as I now call them.

Check out their website for their offerings. They even do pre-natal massage which is something I desperately needed when I was preggers. Sadly, asking my husband for a foot rub didn’t quite do the trick.

So, even though I may have overstayed my welcome a tad, no-one made me feel uneasy. Not even when I dropped an earring under a chair and had half the staff on hands and knees looking for it. I am not kidding when I say I’m that person.

The fabulous owners at Enmasse would now like you to experience what I went through (minus the sweaty feet and awkwardness, of course). I’m giving away two 60 minute massages valued at R420 each.

Entering is easy:

  • Like Enmasse on Facebook
  • Follow Rupert Approves
  • Leave a comment on this post. Any comment will do, but I will be swayed by bribery of ‘You’re so pretty’ and ‘Gosh you look thin today’.

The Ts and The Cs and the thank you pareese.

  • Enmasse is located on Corlett Drive, Sandton. Winners must make their way to and from the venue
  • The competition closes at 5 pm on Friday
  • The prize is not transferrable
  • Competition mechanics must be followed in order to stand in line to win
  • I was only kidding about nice comments. Kinda.

As an added bonus. Enmasse is offering R100 off a massage for every Rupert Approves reader. Simply use the top secret code word ‘Rupert Approves’ when claiming and booking.

Continue Reading

The Anti Makeup Review (The Most Rubbish Beauty Products In My Bag)

The Most Rubbish Beauty Products in my Bag

As a hoarder of all things cosmetic, I have taken it upon myself to save you money this year (you’re  very welcome) by helping you shop for things that aren’t shit. And trust me, with the way I purchase beauty products I have quite the list of beauty boo boos to share with you.

1. Any mascara from Maybelline that isn’t this one:

great lash

… And even then, one needs to have saintly patience before it really becomes good. I can’t tell you how many hundreds of ronds I have literally urinated away on purchasing glorified tubes of rubbish promising extra length, false look effect and 33% more volume. Dogs bollocks, all of them. The biggest culprit? This waste or R190 posing as a wand of mascara:

Maybelline_New_York_Volum__039__Express_Colossal_Smoky_Eyes_Mascara___Intense_Smoky_Black_10_7ml_1368009993

2. This face cream from Sorbet.

Is it a cream or an exfoliator? Because why in gods name would a face moisturiser contain microscopic grains of sand? Ladies, picture going to the beach, getting dunked by a wave and having sand land in your bikini top. Picture that sand rubbing against delicate nipples for hours on end. Unpleasant? Well that’s exactly what this cream from Satan feels like when applied to your face.


sorbet hydro skin

3. Essie Nail Polish

I’ve watched an episode of Friends that lasted longer than this crap. Plus, Essie is now stocked in Clicks. That’s when you know a product is officially one step away from being the water boy at a B game.

Essie

4. This cop-out of colour disguised as an eye shadow.

SHAME ON YOU CATRICE FOR EVEN ATTEMPTING TO LAUNCH SOMETHING LIKE THIS. I could get more colour out of a tin of baking soda. Not even wetting the brush and applying the dare-I-call-it-shadow like a paint makes a difference. Donate this one to a small child, or a dustbin closest to you.

Catrice eyeshadow

5. This smells-like-a-hookah shower gel

Disclaimer – it may be because I’m pregnant, but using this shower douche (and what a douch it is) pretty much smells like I’m washing my bits with strawberry hubbly bubbly tobacco.

Palmolive

 

6. Aussie Miracle Hair conditioner

What is a miracle? Walking on water? Actually finding that needle in a haystack? Because seriously, to name your product after an entire country (as well as an act of divine intervention) is really setting your standards, and my expectations very high. Plus, it’s sold at Clicks, and we all know what that means.

The only redeeming factor to this shameful excuse for a conditioner? It smells glorious. But so does bacon, and that’s also pretty rubbish when applied to your scalp.

aussie miracle

I’m stopping here. I don’t want to overwhelm you or make myself cry again.

If you were planning on buying any of the above items, stop it immediately and spend your money on something more wise, such as a water pistol, or electronic can opener.

Continue Reading

Wet 'n Wild is now available in South Africa

12 years ago, while living in America, my obsession with ‘drug store’ beauty products began. I had left Clicks, our local Unicorn branded ‘Health Home and Beauty store’ with its measly offering of Yardley’s Oatmeal range or Lentheric body sprays, and entered a world where drugstores, supermarkets and Target (oh, Target. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you) were stocked with aisle upon aisle of beauty products and accessories. My mind was blown, and I couldn’t get enough. Even then, when the exchange rate was at its highest, I could still find joy in a $0.99c lipstick or body lotion special.

When I returned home in early 2003, I assumed that my beloved country would have realised how much I needed these products in my life, and automatically stocked them. Alas, Clicks was still Clicks, and choices were dismal. I mean, my god, we didn’t even have hair straighteners in our country back then ( I eventually resorted to importing one from America…velvet plates and all).

Fast forward a few years and finally a few retailers stated jumping on the International brand bandwagon – Woolworths had, and still has, a brilliant variety, MAC stores started popping up, and with the introduction of the Internet came eCommerce and the option to buy things from overseas (bless you, technology).

Look, I am the first person to splash out on R900 foundation and R400 blush, but there is something so nostalgically appealing about the ‘brands I left behind’ in the good old USA. Especially, when on a budget, and you see things like this.

So, it was with much excitement and a small squeal when I found out that Wet n Wild (yes, the cosmetic brand that sounds like a condom brand) was finally in SA. In Clicks nogal!

The prices are so reasonable and the selection is great. I’m currently using the Pressed Powder and the blush and must say – I’m really impressed with both – considering the price (cheap!) the pigment is strong and lasts just as long as any MAC or Bobbi Brown blushes I’ve used.

Wet n Wild Coverall Pressed Powder
Wet n Wild Coverall Pressed Powder
Wet n Wild Blush
Wet n Wild Blush

Wet n Wild is sold exclusively in Clicks stores – and you can also follow them locally on Facebook .

It’s a good start…but there are so many other brands I wish would come to SA – which ones are you lusting after?

Continue Reading

Choosing The Right Makeup For Your Eye Colour

There are many reasons I am glad the 80’s are over. The biggest being bright blue eyeshadow. It’s a look that pretty much no-one can pull off, so when I see woman wearing it in the 21st century, I want to run over with a wet wipe and a word of advice: ‘Don’t’.

Image

Luckily, we have come far since the 1980’s and there are now many more colours to choose from. Whether you’re into shimmery, pearl, matt, sheer, creamy or powder the most important thing to do when choosing an eye shadow colour is take the colour of your eyes into consideration.

 

 

NO.Image

The 3 main eye colours out there are brown, blue and green, but if you are anything like me you may not be sure what colour yours are. As I’ve gotten older my eyes have gone from very blue to a mixture of blue and green. Another very important element to remember for application of eyeshadow is your eye shape. This is something I will go into in a new post. As you can see in the below image, I have very hooded eyes.

Image

 

The easiest way to know what colour is right for your eyes is to use the colour wheel. It’s a no-fail solution for picking the right hue. The golden rule is to find your eye colour and then find the colour on the wheel directly opposite it to know what colour best suits your eyes. And no, that doesn’t mean that if ‘yellow’ is your color then you need to walk around like a canary landed on your face – you can use colours in the yellow palette – golds, bronzes, butter, creams etc.

Image

I have also found this very handy no-fail chart.

Image

 

When applying eye shadow always remember to have a light colour (for highlighting in the corner of the eye and under the brow bone), a medium colour to apply all over the lid and a darker colour to fill in the crease of the eye and make them ‘pop’.

Image

 

Many eyeshadow compacts come with illustrations on the back to guide you. (When buying these palettes, chuck the applicator sponge and invest in a good eye shadow brush)

If all else fails take a trip to your local MAC cosmetic counter – the staff there are trained experts and can assist in helping you find the perfect shade, for any occasion.

I stumbled upon this hilarious ‘Bad makeup’ Tumblr – good for a Friday Laugh.

Happy weekend!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Continue Reading

Rupert Approves – Now Reviewing Makeup.

“Does this foundation make my face look fabulous?”

Many who know me know that one of my favourite things in life is cosmetics. My earliest memory of makeup was going to a toy-swop shop in Randburg as a young child. the concept of the store was that you could return a new or hardly used toy and earn points. Those points could then be used on a new toy or product from the store. At the tender age of about 5 I used my points for a kiddies makeup compact, complete with a garish assortment of eye shadow colours, bright pink blush and lipstick.

24 years later I still havent  tired of my childhood love of cosmetics and products. In fact, I could spend my last R100 on a lipstick or nail-polish instead of food or petrol. 

Some may find it bizarre that my collection now sits at several thousand items, and I’ve taken over an entire room with boxes of foundations, lipsticks, eyeliners, primers, glosses, polishes, creams and lotions. (Dont call BBC Lifestyle just yet, I’m not quite at ‘Hoarders’ status). My hobby also extends to hair and body care and my collection of straightening, curling, crimping and everything-in-between tools borders on embarrassing.

I’m fully aware of the irony of the situation, considering I spend most of my free time in gym clothes, and growing up on a farm my childhood attire was gumboots and a pudding bowl hair cut. Perhaps my inner glam girl has always had a yearning to come out, pouting in fuchsia pink.

I’ve decided I can no longer keep my love of beauty products a secret, and am thrilled to announce that I will now be adding a ‘Beauty Review’ section to Rupert Approves.

If there are any products out there that you would like me to try, need information on or just want to chat more about anything from MAC to Maybelline, and everything in-between – then I would love to hear from you!

‘Till then

Stay beautiful!

Red Lippy - Rupert Approves
Red Lippy – Rupert Approves

 

Continue Reading