You know when you think you’re kinda holding it all together and then you realise you haven’t actually put proverbial pen to paper and blogged in several months? Not that anyone really cares, but me, although I have had a few loyal readers ask me when I’d be back. It gets harder, the less you write, and so I’ve put all blog things in the back of my mind cupboard and procrastinated hard about writing – because as much as I adore it, I also don’t want what I do wrote to sound contrived and forced. Because you should never force farts, friendships or writing.

So, I’m pretty grateful that I stumbled upon this Instagram post that was shared on Twitter. A,  because it resonated with me and B, because it’s the perfect structure for my re-entry into the blog-o-sphere. It’s also brilliant timing as I wrap up what has got to be one of the most hectic years of my life.

So, thank you @elmanga – I’m going to jump on board and take part in your virtual closing the loop retreat.

I began the year feeling…

SO excited. I was 7 months pregnant with my Piper and couldn’t wait to meet her. She was the absolute highlight of my year

The experiences that stood out for me this year…

My daughter being born

Leaving my job and becoming self employed

Understanding that I wasn’t at fault for a lot of the bad things that happened to me

Battling in my marriage and realising it’s been the hardest thing I have ever done

Finding myself falling more and more in love with my kids – I never thought you could actually love this much

Going solo and finding work and job opportunities around every single corner (why didn’t I do this sooner?!)

Getting my garden redone and FINALLY getting rid of our pink floors

I felt most supported by…

Strangely enough, strangers. I really feel as if I get the most wonderful and kind validation from my followers on Instagram and Facebook. I 100% realise we should never ever rely on social media to make you feel supported – but I guess it’s the whole concept of being able to talk more openly to relative strangers (you know, striking up a conversation with the person in line at the supermarket, or telling your hairdresser your deepest secrets). The kid words, blog shares, photography support and all round niceness that I feel from thousands of people I have never met is truly wonderful, I don’t think any of you realise just how happy you made me.

I have also had the support o a group of moms on a Whatsapp group – several of whom have become exceptionally close friends. It’s amazing how a daily check-in or ‘how was your day’ can make you feel buoyant.

I felt most inspired by…

Natalie. More on that below

My heart broke when…

A client/friend lost her baby boy to leukaemia. I met him when he was in her tummy, and then did his newborn shoot and so when he left to be with the angels I felt shattered for his family, for his life and for just how unfair it all was. Natalie, his mom, has inspired me every.single.day. She has made me realise that you have two options when something bad happens and she reminds me not to sweat the small stuff and to embrace, love and honour people more.

I continued to…

1. Work my arse off. I feel like in between having a baby and taking 5 days off at the coast I literally did not stop working. hopefully one day I can reap the rewards, but man, I am tired.
2. Start an eating and training plan and then stop. 2019 needs to be the year when I can be more consistent with my diet and my exercise and it shouldn’t be the result of a ‘fat day’ or boozy weekend. I need to treat my body kinder.

I let go of…

A friendship. It’s never easy but it had run it’s course and I think we both felt like we weren’t getting what we needed from the other person.

My body told me that…

It can make great babies. It is strong and powerful. It can feed said great babies and it can work just as well at 39 week pregnant as it can at 8 months post-partum. My body also told me that it didn’t like post-baby Kate and shifted and swelled and bloated and widened. After many thousands of rands with endocrinologists I do feel slightly better knowing that a lot of my grievances with my image are due to hormones, and out of my control.

I was exhausted by…

My workload. (I’m sure you’re exhausted of hearing it, but it’s true). I went back to working when Piper was 28 days old and basically haven’t stopped since.

I felt most alive when…

We took a spontaneous week holiday to the South Coast last month. On our last day we went for a long walk on the beach and saw dozens of whales in the distance. The salty sea air was spraying my face, my baby was nestled in her carrier and my son was jumping on sand dunes. My heart was the most full and content it has ever been. If I could bottle that feeling I would.

I was confused by…

How people can be so cruel. Both my husband and I have experienced something this year thats made me wonder about humanity. Thank goodness we are both removed from it now, but how people can treat other human beings has left me quite shaken. I unfortunately cant talk about my situation but I am genuinely suffering from some form of PTSD.

I was amused by..

My hilarious children. carter especially. He says and does the greatest things, and if I was a better mom I’d for sure have written a book by now

I tolerated too much of…

Selfish relationships. Although I say this every year and I do nothing about it, so I’m clearly a sucker for punishment 😉

I freed myself from…

An abusive miserable environment.

I learnt that…

Life goes on, and t goes on fast. People don’t change. Not many people can be relied on. What you give others is not what they will give back. People show love in different ways. You can survive (barely) on no sleep. You have to look after yourself.

I surprised myself when…

I solo parented my kids for 5 days. PROPS single parents. Jaysus but you have the hardest job in the world ;))

I also learnt how to be a bit more honest and push back – can’t say the people who have been on the receiving end of my new-found conflict skills were thrilled, but I suppose its new to them and me.

I placed top 10 in 4 Admired In Africa categories – a photographic competition that honours South Africa’s top photographers.

I had the courage to…

Become self employed with less than 24 hours warning. 6 months on and I couldn’t be happier.

So, I guess, my year in a nutshell. I would love to hear yours?