- I walked down the ramp at the office in the rain and nearly fell.
- I walked down the ramp at the office in the rain and did fall. The next time it was raining my lovely colleague Lucy took my arm and helped me walk down said ramp. Then she fell. I think the bigger issue here may be the ramp itself.
- I stood on a revolving office chair to fix an aircon vent. My boss charged out of his meeting with a face like thunder and yelled “What the hell do you think you are doing? What if you fell and your baby died? You can’t do that when you’re 8 months pregnant”. To which I replied “Oh, I’m only 7 months pregnant. Don’t worry, if I was 8 months I would never have done this”
- I leaned down to find the cheesy Marmite from the office cupboard and my tea lady scolded me yelling “No Kate, stop it, we are here for you”.
- I opened and closed a manual garage door.
- I left for work in the morning without packing snacks.
- I grabbed a basket at the grocery store instead of a trolley. My friend Amy was with me and said “pregnancy is not the time for baskets”. 5 minutes later a 750 gram tin of fruit rolled out the trolley and landed on my foot, nearly breaking it. I think pregnancy is in fact a time for baskets.
- I was being emotional. You know what’s fun, non pregnant people? When you tell someone with a human growing inside of them that they are being emotional. We love that.
- The office desks were being re-arranged and I tried to help. After a bit of a fight they let me carry a pot plant and an empty Tupperware.
- I walked through the metal detector at a meeting. The other option was to pole-vault over it onto the other side. Silly me.
Funnily enough, things I haven’t been scolded for:
- Grocery shopping and pushing a trolley the size of a Boeing at Douglasale Pick n Pay at 6 pm on pay day.
- Washing the dogs. I’m pretty sure wrestling two 15 kilogram octopus (octopusses, ocotopee?) covered in butter would be easier.
- Dropping an earring and crawling, leopard style, under the bed to search for it.
- Driving in Randburg. Or Fourways, or anywhere other human beings and taxis also drive.
- Refilling the 21.8 kilogram office water bottle after getting tired of shouting “Guys I am dying of thirst, please can someone replace the 21.8 kilogram water bottle” (A few days later when someone noticed that it had been done, I got kakked on for doing it myself)
* The word ‘kak’ is a glorious South African’ism for ‘shit’. pronounced ‘kuk’. Ie: “You speak more Kak than Jacob Zuma”.
To be ‘Kakked on‘ implies being shouted at, and should not be confused with literally having feces dumped on ones self. If I had written a blog post about ‘Reasons I have been covered in poo during my pregnancy’, then I was probably in bad labour, or there’s something terrible wrong with the State of our Nation. (Apart from the actual State of our Nation).