It is with great sadness that I write to inform you fo the tragic passing (through the intestines of one of my creatures) of my beloved avo pip, loved by none other than me.
Pip, when I first planted you in that whiskey tumbler I felt a sadness (for the whiskey that would no longer go in said glass) and also, a glimmer of hope. I envisaged fat juicy avocados drooping from your swollen limbs, my future children playing games under your cooling shade, and the copious amounts of guacamole I would make from your soft green flesh.
Alas, you were taken from me too soon. Everyone told me to let you spread your wings, to grow on your own. So the day I planted you, was the day I let you go out into the world, alone. In hindsight, too soon, perhaps.
I hope your last thoughts before you were plucked with verocity and eaten by my dogs was a pleasant one. Rest in peace dear avo plant, and who knows, one day the laws of nature might mean you are replanted somewhere not too far from Rupert’s toilet area.