I Love You. But You're Being An Arsehole.

Human beings can survive many things. In South Africa we survive just by surviving, but lack of sleep? That has got to the fastest sense of humour killer out there.

My child. My usually happy, smiley and content almost 7 month old has been displaying signs of what I refer to as ‘close to adoption tendencies’. He will not sleep, he will not eat and he moans at pretty much everything. When he does eat, he projectile vomits (his hand blended lamb and vegetables) minutes later and when he does sleep it’s when I’m wide awake at 2am wondering if I’m a terrible mother for calling my baby an A-Hole.

I can’t remember when last I wasn’t bending over his cot, shoving any form of pacifier or drug into his mouth to make him stop moaning for just one minute. Short of swatting him against a wall like I would a mosquito guilty of the same annoyance (and also, who has time to clean up all that 7 month sized blood anyway?) I find myself praying with the gods above to please just let him close his fucking eyes and sleep.

(In other news – I take back all the judgey judgeroo thoughts I ever had around moms co-sleeping, drugging or doingwhateverthefuckittakes to get your baby to nap)

Before you get all waggy finger in my face and ‘calling Childline on you’ I get that babies are tiny and helpless and teething happens and fever happens and they feel sore and yuk and miserable, and if I could, I would take away all the shitty pain that growing teeth presents, because it shatters my heart to see my small child in constant pain. Sadly though, teething in babies seems to be the equivalent of genital waxing in grown men, and Carter is feeling the effects more than any male salon go’er I know.

My lack of sleep, all consuming work load, loss of interest in anything and general ‘eff you’ mood has left me with one simple conclusion: You cannot have an easy newborn and an easy half year old. The world does not work that way. If everyone’s experience with raising a baby was a constant joyful affair, then even the most hard core anti mom would be walking around rubbing her engorged belly and picking out cot linen and hospital pads.

So, whilst I love my child with all my heart, I really don’t like him (lately) between the hours of 6 and 6. And that’s OK, right?

aGoToSleepBIGMiddleGo_the_fuck_to_sleep

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5 Comments

  1. I think he is allergic to milk.Dont give him any milk. Cook a thin mealiemeel porridge and put it in his bottle. Make the teathole bigger and let him drink it instead of milk.If he pulls up his legs to his stommach when he cries it is surely cramps.My son was allergic and i did this and hallelujah blissful sleep!!!!!!! He needs a full stomach to sleep but stop drinking his milk because of the cramps. Then his stomach is not full and he cannot sleep. Try this!
    Ansie Viljoen
    ansie.viljoen@gmail.com
    remember me? Dinner at Ranch Polokwane

  2. Oh Miss KK – I hear you! I wish I could come around and just sit there and let you rant, and tell you I felt the same way too! There are days I still do – people say it gets easier, and it may, but sometimes it just feels like it bloody well doesn’t.
    Who are these flippin earth Mothers who rave about perfect children and how easy it is? I read about them, and just want to smack ’em in the head!
    Hugs, WINE and more HUGS …. Michelle

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