It came to my attention at 3 am this morning, as I leant over my baby’s cot – for the 18th time that night – that motherhood is a multi-faceted thing. To be a mom is to be provider, protector and parent. But it’s also so much more than that.
It’s holding in a wee, even though it feels like your bladder might burst, to rather spend some quality time with your child
It’s putting their needs before yours. Forever
It’s starting dinner late, if at all, because a thousand things need to be done before you get the luxury of eating
It’s overcoming your OCD tendencies as your 5 month old smears sticky porridge in your face, your hair, and over your not-so-white work shirt
It’s feeling like you will always do more for him, than anyone else. It’s being mom martyr for the rest of your life
It’s sacrificing your free time to rather lie outside with him on a blanket, and sing silly made up songs.
It’s re-applying your makeup for the 4th time that day, because something like bath water, vomit or more baby porridge has smudged it. Again
It’s crying over anything you ever see about sick babies, sad babies, dead babies or happy babies. It’s about never being able to watch Grey’s Anatomy with an air of detachment
It’s worrying about something 24/7
It’s about sacrificing your holiday savings in favour of pool fences and day-care
It’s about rubbing your nose over his soft cheeks while he slumbers, even though you risk waking him up
It’s about going against every bad parenting action you swore you’d never do, just to get them to give you 10 minutes of sleep
It’s about buying bigger jeans, stretchy bra’s and one piece swimming costumes. It’s about wearing your hair in a mom-bun, and investing in concealer that never actually hides the caverns under your eyes
It’s about letting go and giving them the space to grow, knowing that their games will probably end in tears
It’s about saying ‘no’ to things like adult dinners and get-togethers, because your baby’s routine comes first
It’s about squealing when you watch him roll over for the first time, but dreading each day that he gets bigger
It’s about the deals you make with the devil when he just won’t sleep. And the gummy smiles that greet you at 2 am.
It’s about planning his first birthday, before he’s 4 weeks’ old.
It’s about having the weight of the world on your shoulders, as you burden the responsibility of being his mom. It’s about knowing that you will play a very large part in shaping the person he becomes.
It’s about hosting 20 people for a raucous get together, knowing full well that you won’t have the luxury of sleeping in past 5 am the next day.
It’s about learning the value of a love so large that you struggle to breathe
It’s about learning to love, but not smother. To live and let go, and to trust that you are good enough. Every single day.