He's A Dad, Not A Babysitter.

I read this article a couple of years ago, before I was even considering having children, and even then, young and carefree, I thought to myself “this. This is how I plan on working a baby into our lives”.

To quote the article – a father should never be called or seen as ‘the baby sitter’. To imply that they are merely there as a temporary carer implies that their role is of lesser value and importance than the moms. As an example – you would never say to a mom who was out at the grocery store “Oh, I see you’re baby sitting today?”. So why would you ever say that to the dad?

When Carter was born there was an almost silent agreement between my husband and I that this was a dual role. That they baby was ours 50/50, and caring for him would be just that.

Even before he was born Barry came with me to every single ultrasound and checkup. I insisted he pay half the bills when my medical aid had dried up and we will split our childs cost equally going forward as well. Am I a bitch? Am I high maintenance? Absolutely not. I am one half Carters parent. Therefore I rely equally on my other half to come to the party when raising him. Not ‘help’ me to raise him. if I want help I’ll call his granny.

From day one he has been a hands on dad – we have split the night feed duties in half, he packs the nappy bag when we go out and changes the car seat base between cars (most of the time…). Just last night it was his turn on night duty (of course our baby then slept for 11 hours straight), and when I told people this, they were more shocked about the fact that he does ‘night duty. Yes, he bloody well does night duty – he also changes the nappies, baths him and puts him to bed on most nights. In fact, he comes home at a decent hour on most days, not to allow me to go run, but to give me time from my ‘job’ of mothering to go and exercise, to get some much needed ‘me time’. Plus, he knows that on Sundays he gets to disappear for several hours to hit the trails with some of his mates.

In less than 6 weeks I will be going back to work – which means we will both be full time working parents. Is it going to be easy? No. Is it going to be do-able? Absolutely, because my husband will do one half of the creche run, one half of the cooking (although I think that may be news to him) and one half of raising our child. 

I get that I am so so fortunate, and that many dads still see their role as the silent observer type. I also understand that there is a lot a man cannot physically do for his child, which may leave him feeling helpless (nursing being the biggest), but in times when a man can’t magically grow a set of boobs, he can bring his wife a glass of water, or make her a cup of tea. If baby is particularly mom-fuss on a certain day, hubby can help with the washing, or cleaning or cooking. Because it is 2015, and I know very few woman who don’t bust their ass every day in the office and work hellishly long hours too. 

Simply put, I try keep my hubby out of my blog, but sometimes a gals just gotta brag a bit. 

I got me a good one.

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10 Comments

  1. Hi Kate, I completely agree. Callum is 14 weeks now and we have been doing exactly the same thing. Also need to brag about my amazing hubby Dave:-)

    Love the blog:-)

  2. I agree wholeheartedly! I HATE it when people say “dad is babysitting the kids”… no he is not he is parenting them…

    My hubby and I share the kiddy duties and he cooks most nights as I only get home close to 7pm due to traffic. While I was on maternity leave I handled the night time wake ups but only because I didn’t have to “work” a full day and handle budgets and the like running on fumes and I could nap with the kids if I needed to. But as soon as I went back to work we shared those night time wake ups. This is just the way it is and it works REALLY well.

    Seems I too bagged me a good one 🙂

    xxx

    1. Hi Anne – Thanks for the comment and the link – I will definitely check it out 🙂

      Congrats on the pregnancy. Less than 1 week to go – I’m sure you are beyond excited!

      I’m about to post a blog which may be of interest to you…so watch this space 🙂

  3. Wow, sorry, I didnt realise that medium link was going to come up so huge in your comments page! Not intentional at all.

  4. I couldn’t agree more – it makes me want to smack friends/family when they say their hubby is on baby duty (it could also be the pregnancy hormones making me a little violent as well though!) My hubby has his own business and his time, although valuable, is most definitely way more flexible than mine. When I mention that when I have to go back to my full day office bound job, he is going to work from home one day a week and look after our son (who is making his appearance in a few short weeks) they look at me like i am mad. why? Is he not a parent too? The rest of the days will be split between granny and our amazing nanny as someone has to bring home the bacon of course. Dads do not babysit, unless it is someone else’s child! Well said:)

  5. Fully agree with you. Hubby and I have shared each and every “baby-related duty” since the birth of our twins, from feeding (he always got up with me to help tandem-feed the twins),bathing,reading, playing and putting to sleep. Funny how I always thought this was how it’s supposed to be, until I hear how surprised other mommies are when I tell them that.
    Maybe we are just super lucky and found the best one’s out there.

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