Wishing It All Away

When I first fell pregnant, people would comment about ‘how my life was about to change forever’ that ‘I wouldn’t have time for anything’ and to ‘forget about blogging ever again!’.

Towards the end of my third trimester (or as I call it, 2019) people would say how it was ‘easier out than in’ and remind me to sleep while I could.

Then, he was born, and amongst the genuine warm wishes and congratulations came the well intentioned advise of ‘don’t worry it gets easier’ and ‘just wait until he’s 3 months, that’s an awesome age!’.

I’ve also been told that it gets better when he smiles, or when he learns to sit up, walk or talk. 2 years of age is awesome people exclaim, whilst others tell me that 5 is the magic year.

I have had countless people message me, or email me to ask how it’s going, and whilst I am always honest (“Oh, he was a bit niggly today” or “he’s waking up more during the night”) I never paint a picture of doom and gloom. Even so, almost every single person automatically responds with a ‘don’t worry it gets easier’. It’s almost as if they haven’t heard me when I’ve told them how much I’m loving it, or how good he is, or that I’m so fortunate that I’m a creature of habit and so the daily routine for is not a burden, but a joy. I haven’t found it hard (yet?) so why does everyone expect me to?

Why are we always wishing time away?

I don’t want to close my eyes and wait for my baby to be bigger, I don’t want to wish away every single day. Already my heart is sore at the thought of leaving him in 3 moths time to go back to work.

I’m so tired of people trying to get my child to grow up before his time, that I’ve decided to find something new, wonderful and special abut Carter every single day. It’s not difficult. Some days it’s the sound he makes (exactly like a hadeda) for no reason at all. Other days it’s the rocket fire diarrhea just as I’ve changed his nappy. Today, he came with me to a studio and chilled for 1 and a half hours while I did five voice overs. He’s also started smiling, and gazing at objects for hours on end. Sometimes he grabs my finger so hard it goes white, and other days he patiently waits while I fumble with his nappy, trying to get the bloody frills out. I even love it when he wees all over me during a change, projectile vomits down my hair during a burping session, or head butts my boob during a feed.

My baby boy is 4 weeks today, and already I feel like time is going too fast.

The sitting and the walking and the slamming of bedroom doors in his teenage years can all wait. For now, I want to breathe it all in, and enjoy every single second that I have with my new (ish) born baby.

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18 Comments

  1. Aaah this made me smile. I think it’s wonderful that you are loving and embracing every aspect of motherhood.
    But do you really think people’s words of encouragement are them wishing time away?
    I’m asking because for me, with Ava, the first few months of motherhood were pure hell. Granted I was horrifically depressed and overwhelmed and she had collic and screamed all the time and people would tell me the same things as you’ve mentioned, I always thought it was there way of trying to encourage me, to hang in there, that no matter how tough it may be in those moments, it would get better, it would get easier and it was a comfort to me, especially on the days when I was terrified with how I was going to cope because I was just so utterly overwhelmed.
    But I will tell you this, you are so right about how fast the time does pass! I just finished writing a blog post today about how, after 5.5 years of being a baby mama, I woke up and realized I”m a kid momma now no more babies in our house and while there were times it was horrendously tough, I survived, my kids thrived and the times I thought I’d never make it through did end.
    xxx
    P.S. I won’t lie… going back to work… it’s the single hardest thing I EVER did.

    1. You are so right, and I hope what I wrote didn’t come across as me not appreciating every single word of encouragement – I meant it as more that people will automatically assume you’re struggling, and give those words of encouragement before even checking if you ARE having a tough time – make sense? I wont lie and say its all been amazing (I nearly had a meltdown in Pick n Pay today trying to juggle a pram and a monthly shop trolley) but it has been manageable and enjoyable so far…long may it last! I had 2 days of baby blues and can only imagine just how awful and lonely depression must be – I take my hat ff to you (2 kids? yoh!). Really not looking forward to leaving him when I go to work, but to be true to this post, Im not even going to think about that till the time comes 😉 xxx

      1. No, not at all. You did not come off that way. I think you are extremely lucky to not be struggling, I think it’s more often than not that new moms, myself included, do really really struggle. So count yourself lucky honey and enjoy every moment!

  2. I am currently heading into the third trimester and your posts have been so great to read. Your updates are making me so much more excited for what is to come for hubby and I 🙂

  3. How wonderful that you’ve adjusted to motherhood so well Kate. I don’t think people are wishing your boys life away at all, I just think that they are thinking back to their own journey’s and are trying to share encouragement with you about what they found to be “best” at whatever stage they are telling you about.

    For me I remember thinking “oh why did everyone say this is hard?” and then at 7 weeks old Kade got reflux and at the same time hit a growth spurt and started cluster feeding – EVERY 45 minutes – that meant between feeds I was lucky if I managed 15 – 20 mins sleep at night and had to white knuckle it through the day because as you have noticed time is no longer your own… I was delirious with sleep deprivation and it was only due to my amazing mom, sister, mom in law and sister in law (I did not have full time help until just a week before I went back to work at 4 months) that I managed to survive the next 3 weeks – yes this went on for THREE weeks…

    Truth is some days are easier than others and we as mom’s do tend to whitewash over the harder ones – perhaps that is why people offer you encouragement even if you aren’t needing it… We all have differing experiences with our children. I am chuffed that yours with Carter has been so easy for you both. It bodes well for a family expansion one day *wink*

    xxx

    1. Hi Sam

      I fear I may have come across wrong in this post – and trust me I am under NO illusions that my baby will continue to be as good as he is… In fact every day a part of me expects the hard part to start as I know this can’t last forever… Although that would be nice! 😉

      Your 3 weeks of hell sounds so rough – I cannot even imagine! Thanks for sharing your story and let’s hope that the easy days outnumber the hard days. Here’s to taking it one small step at a time 🙂

      Xx

  4. My baby Gray is six weeks on Thursday. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog and feel exactly the same way about my new role as mom. Today I put my boy to sleep dancing to Bjork’s ‘It’s oh so quiet’. I wouldn’t wish that away for anything in the world.

    1. It’s special moments like that which will be our fondest memories in years to come I’m sure 😉 love your baby’s name – and thanks so much for the comment xx

  5. My son is almost 15 weeks. I have to go back to work in two weeks and I keep thinking ‘where did all that time go?’ This after the first two weeks were very traumatic as he was born five weeks early and was in NICU. I’ve enjoyed every moment with him but now find myself wishing that I enjoyed it that bit more, even the difficult days.
    Enjoy your son, time really does fly l.

    1. I think its so hard to enjoy every little second – I too have days where I think “I should have held him instead of forced a nap, or looked at him while I fed instead of going on Facebook. We are so hard on ourselves. Good luck with going back to work – Im hoping it goes OK xx

  6. Such a beautiful post. It makes me feel so guilty for hating most of the first couple of months of having a new baby. It has also made me realise I really do need seek some help. Love you my friend and I am so proud of how you have embraced motherhood

  7. I love this! And I love your blog! Our little one is due to arrive in September, love the weekly pics with descriptions, think I will definitely do the same. These moments are so special, we have to hold on to them for as long as we can!

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