When a friend (or anyone for that matter) loses some weight and emerges from a fat cocoon looking like a Victoria Secret butterfly, not only have they lost kilograms, but they have also gained leverage. Girls around me know what I’m talking about – suddenly this person holds the key to the ever mythical weight loss question; How did they do it, was it a special diet or exercise programme? Did they Atkin, Bant or Paleo? Did they starve themselves all day and only allow themselves a block of cheese pre-fainting? We drive ourselves crazy, pondering their miraculous transformation.
Most of the time, when you ask someone how they lost so much weight, their answer is flippant and irritatingly coy. Something along the lines of ‘Oh, I just cut out carbs after 7 pm”. Inside, your frustrated fat cells call bullshit! but you never question Lean Leanne, you simply smile and thank them for imparting fuck all wisdom on you.
Now dear readers, this leads me to my big question – if your friends are so unwilling to part with fat loss and weight loss wisdom – for fear that you may also lose some and end up looking better than them, why then are people so quick to tell you to have a baby because (and I quote) “Its the most amazing thing will ever happen to you”.
I reckon, having a baby is the most traumatic thing to happen to someone (bear with me here) and therefore woman convince other woman to have one too, so that they can all go through the hell together. Once that baby is out, there’s no putting it back, so woman feel the need to make sure other woman also have one, so they in turn can convince other woman to do the same.
Babies are human pyramid schemes.
Overheard on Saturday: “Lady A, when are you having baby number 2?”. Her reply? “When I stop crying myself to sleep”.
My point exactly.
Disclaimer: I cannot wait to one day have a child and go through the hell that is being the parent of an infant – I just wish someone would tell me how to lose the baby weight once it’s happened.