1. Traffic lights that aren’t synced.
2. People who aren’t present. You know, the ones who will walk terribly slowly when you’re holding a door open for them out of courtesy, or the ones who will stop dead in the middle of a busy shopping centre forcing you to skid sideways to avoid jamming your trolley into their cankles.
3. Metro police who don’t wear their seatbelts.
4. Weak tea. Chicory in coffee. A fly in your wine.
5. People who email you and then call you a minute later to ask if you received their email.
6. People who cough into the phone while you’re on the other end.
7. Grown men who whine
8. That little bit of yoghurt/custard/face cream at the bottom of the jar or tube that you just can’t get out. Like my lipgloss here:
9. Temperamental internet.
10. Data charges on your cellphone contract.
11. A Kardashians voice
12. The fact that they only play SuperSport or VH1 on the gym TV’s. (Just because I’m exercising does not mean I love watching sport)
13. While I’m on the topic of gym – why don’t they sell padlocks and towels?
14. A strand of hair down the back of your shirt that tickles like a mofo but YOU JUST CAN’T SEEM TO REACH IT.
15. Dumb people:
I called a certain furniture store to get an insurance quote for some scatter cushions that had been stolen.
Me: “Hello X store. Please can you email me an insurance quote on 4 scatter cushions which were stolen in a house robbery on Monday.”
Salesman: “Do you have a photo of the cushion?”
Me: No. “It has been stolen. Can you just give me a quote on 4 x R150 cushions?”
Salesman: “Yes, certainly. If you send me a photo of the cushion I will do that.”
Me: “I cannot do that. I no longer have said cushion in my possession. They have been stolen. They are with the robbers now.”
Salesman: “I see. Can you get a photo from them?”
16. When you don’t see a speed-bump and you hit it really hard and spend the rest of your drive convinced A) your tyre has burst or B) the underside of your car is spilling out into the road.
17.People who have an Instagram account just so they can post selfies.
18. The battery life of a Smartphone
19. The price of tampons.
20. The Visa ad when the guy sings “Shosholoza’ incorrectly. Really?
21. Any faux America accent used for a voice over
22. Hypocritical religious people. I say this with all the love in the world, but going to Church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
23. People who can’t arrive at things on time. You’re a grownup. Get a watch… and a conscience.
24. Pre-packaged gift sets. Seriously, if you can’t select your own hand lotion and shower gel then we can’t be friends.
25. People telling me to move to Sandton because of traffic. Think about it: If everyone you told to move to Sandton actually moved to Sandton, then all the traffic would be in Sandton and soon we would be telling people to move to Fourways.
27. Waiting to fill up for petrol. No I don’t need my water, oil or vagina inspected.
28. People who only care about themselves and unless they’re talking abut themselves will not listen to a word you say.
29. Anything written like this: Nethng wrttn lk dis.